Feeling depressed need advice?

ive come to a point in my life where im realizing that no matter what you do or say no matter how hard you try to do good evil still comes in the way. we are all imperfect & make mistakes but why is it the dumb mistakes i make always tend to come down on me 10 times harder. i love the father of my child with all my heart. there's nothing i wouldnt do 4 him. but because of bad decisions i chose to make throughout the course of our relationship we're not 2getha. honestly i lied to him bout something so stupid & ridiculous i can only be mad at myself 4 it. 1 day we were talking on the phone & my cuz texted me so i texted her back while still on the call. he ask was i texting & i said no. why i honestly dont know i wasnt saying or doing anything wrong. well he called me a liar of course cuz he heard the taping of keys on the phone & basically its been down hill since then. he said he was ova that i never did *** clean bout the text i mean if i did he still wouldnt believe me & i dont blame him i shouldve been honest in the first place. then wks later on i told him i felt he was cheating on me & he got upset & said how could i say that & brought up the texting issue. that i was cheating on him. that day we broke up. but we still continued seeing each otha so 4th n so on. so i umed we was still 2getha that he was talking outa anger but sum how we were talking about something 1 day later after that & he said u know we not 2getha. so i replied why r we continuing to act as if we are. he left me alone 4 bout a wk but because i was pregnant i insisted he'd still come around for the baby while im preg. so back again us pretendeding 2 be 2getha but we werent. then bout 2wks ago he came ova 2 spend sum time & everything was all good mind u we still arent 2getha. so i decided since we were going in2 my rm 2 turn my ringer on low. an hr or 2 went by & as he was about 2 leave he said where is your phone? y is it flipped over so you cant see the screen i replied i didnt know. then he says i bet your ringer is off i said it wasnt even though it was so he called it as we were walking back to my rm. i was tryna turn the ringer up n he got mad cuz he claim he saw me turning it up. but like a dummy i said no i wasnt. then i had 3 missed calls so i hurried n deleted them 2 from a number stored in my phone & 1 from a number i didnt know. he told me show him my phone & look at my missed calls & he repeated the name that called me that i deleted i tried to play it off like they didnt call n of course he said i was a liar & ******* around with the num. that was n my phone n the other numb that wasnt stored. honestly i didnt know who the numb that wasnt stored was & the other numb. was just my friend but by me lying i gave him reason to believe i was ******* around. i deleted the numb. 2 pretend like it was up not 2 hide anything. i came clean about the volume thing but still didnt *** clean bout deleting the numbers. at first he was like he didnt care wat i do cuz im not his girl but he mustve if he got mad to the point he didnt wanna talk to me. he say he did that cuz he hates liars. he finally admited 2 me he knew he called cuz when i stepped out the rm 4 a min he looked at me phone 2 see why its was turned ova & only asked bout that 2 c if i id tell the truth. i cant be mad at him 4 not trusting me or believing wat i tell him cuz i lied bout dumb **** & gave him a reason to speculate. i went so far as to change my number a few days later cuz i had the numb so long & people would be calling me from numbs i didnt know. i had the numb a long time it couldve been old friends or ex's. but i neva answer numbs not stored in my phone even b4 me & him got 2getha. he thinks i jus dont store the numb of men he thinks im ******* around with. honestly since me & him meet ive never been with anyone else never even talked to men that was tryna get with me but he doesnt believe me cuz ive lied so much. & bout dumb ****!!!! honestly how could i blame him? he hurt me so much last night when we were arguing n he said you think im gonna be stupid & let u **** other people & im not going to? which basically meant since he felt i was ******* around he started 2. now we still are not 2getha but its the principle behind you know im preg. you know we only need to be having with each other y would u put our child at risk. he claims he would neva put he's baby at risk & asked was i thinking bout that when i was sleeping around. it hurts me so much cuz i know ive never messed with any1 the whole time even when werent 2getha cuz we were still messing with each other plus im preg. im not triflin. i would never let a man touch me while im preg. wit sum1 elses baby. basically he jus cant trust me & it hurts so much cuz i brought all this on myself. wats a girl 2 do? i love um so much & i want us 2 b a family 4 our baby but i know thats not gonna happen. any advice?